I am totally scared of having surgery

I will lose control, they can't use a local, must be a general. They have no idea if it is cancer, I am hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Ovarian and cervical cancer is treatable if caught in time, but on the other hand can be deadly.

So if it is the big C, I'll need more surgery and probably chemotherapy. I'll lose my hair, I never liked my hair anyway. Hell, I can go goth or metal with all the wigs available. I have always wanted long thick hair!

I just want to go shopping now. That is how I feel better...shopping. Not the best thing to do, well besides eating chocolate.

I know when I have the initial surgery I'll need help in the home with my dog Cosmo, and my dearest daughter will have to step up to the plate. But I am having doubts and she is most laziest human I have ever known. She doesn't even have the ability to replace a roll of toilet paper, let alone wash dirty dishes. Her bedroom should be condemned by the health department.

I don't have the income to hire a helper, just to walk the dog. I have no one to help. I have a friend at work who will stop by, she is a nurse and I hope she can help me a bit.

Sometimes I wish I never became a mom.